Waiting to be seen. (not my best post)

I’ve been considering a lot lately about relationships. What they mean. How they form, and how they sometimes deteriorate into something that we never intended—or on the opposite how they end up as something we never even thought possible. I’m currently in one of those moments in life where strange thoughts form and odd words flow from people about odd things. It is fall, which is not an excuse, but it is a strange time of year. When things are dying all around us and all we look forward to is warm cider and a fire, but yet all we can seem to muster sometimes is a glass of water and a match.

Friendships seem to drift in this third realm for awhile. A realm of limbo, where they aren’t dead but they aren’t very much alive at all. Then, once some event happens, some gathering, some trip to some place happens, suddenly the friendship is brought out of limbo and into this world again. It takes odd moments of life for certain relationships to be brought back to life. I think this is called being dis-connected, and usually happens when one moves away and leaves their community.

But, what happens when one has friends that are involved in their lives currently. They are around a lot, do things together and have common friends. Then at some point in that short amount of time, something changes and things become different, awkward even. What happens? What is happening? What has changed? Inside information? Definitely not a fight—but maybe something just didn’t click? I’m not for sure. I’m know that we have all experienced this sort of mysticism in friends. One moment certain, the next un.

There is another type of relationship that also happens on a quick and different level, such as the one I mentioned above. The friend that suddenly comes into one’s life and makes a dramatic impact on your thinking, thoughts, feelings and life that you can’t remember a time when that person wasn’t part of your community. This also happened to me recently, as did the above situation. This one is interesting though because I never expected this person to become such a good friend, and I never thought they would have so many similar thoughts and ideas. It is a great thing when something like this happens. When you feel like after a few months you can be completely natural and upfront. You can talk openly and freely and know that they understand what your saying. You listen more and more and realize how much they are like you. People tell you how much you remind them of this person. It’s crazy.

This person doesn’t judge you. They don’t hold you captive based on their assumptions. They let you go, let you be yourself.

One of my goals is to start listening to my friends more. To totally try to understand them, listen to what they are saying, comprehend their words. It’s hard. It is hard to keep myself accountable with something like this, mostly because I have some sort of need to be talking, to get my ideas out there, my thoughts known. I’m trying to keep more to myself, to pay attention. Pay attention.

I guess I’ll have to start trying harder…I’m not for sure if I’m accomplishing my goal.