What is it that leaves me hanging each and every time? What is it that when I think of you, your memory fades quickly from my mind? Is it my own fault? Is it because secretly, you are the one that I am searching for and, perhaps, its not quite time for me to find you. I feel incredible and it fades with that thought, with the synapse. You will continue to elude me, make me feel for you and ache with pain each time I feel I have you and you escape. Its not common for this to happen. How do you do it? How do you ungrasp my thought - and move it from place to place, leaving me in the trail, only to carry on, not knowing if it is really you i'm searching for or if it is just the lost memory of last time.

Its true, the 80's are back.

Impressions are misleading. Old adage, but useful sometimes.

Sitting here, rainy day, thinking forward and about some film's, past events, experiences and more. Thinking that, often we have thoughts about our past that seem to haunt us, or, cause us to think about regrets oftentimes leading us into some sort of depressive mindset. These types of experiences are the ones that have guided us? The ones that have changed us into what it is that we are? No, that is too simple, and easy and realistic. Most of those times have given us a clue as to what it is that we seek at a deeper level.

I need to be on a team. I need a group of people to work with towards a common goal. I need to be necessary for this group to function and I need to be appreciated. These have not been met in my past jobs, and its necessary for me to find a job, vocation or hobby like this in order to fulfill some sort of void in my life. I long for those sort of moments where you can look back and say, here is what I have done and it has led to this. I can only sight examples from t.v. and movies. 1. Lost -- a group of people working towards a common goal (although that goal is now a bit muffled and has changed, in the beginning, it was different). 2. Breakfast club -- a group brought together from different backgrounds who find that they have commonalities in the end. This is a bit "idealistic" but still, it supplies an import point of what it is I'm trying to describe. 3. Sometimes, I get this feeling from the Harry Potter movies and books. A group of people who rely on each other to get to a certain point, to defeat something, to create something or just grow closer.

I don' t want to live in a commune, this is not the point. The point is that I'm keen to work on a movie, a t.v. show, a house a project of a creative type where I can see the end, I know what I have to do, and I know that the people I work with all rely on me as I rely on them. How can I find this? I have a few idea: journalist, entertainment industry of some sort, magazine writer or even being a tour guide. I don't have any better thoughts on this, but they are all things that I've dabbled in, and have always been the times when I feel the best about what I'm doing, about what I have accomplished and the best about myself. I need to find this again, and I need to and will be proactive about it.

California is not what it was
Rome too is not what it was
No more imperial cities
No more crazy societies
Where is one to go?
Berlin Vancouver Samarkand?

-Jean Baudrillard

Southern Fall

Fall has more or less come to Sydney -- which is a welcome site in my book. The days are getting shorter, the nights cooler and a bit wetter. I always welcome fall and the change that it brings, but it is always hard to adjust to it happening in the opposite time that it does in the north. It is also equally as interesting to contrast it with the Easter season -- since normally everyone talks about it as a time for things to come back to life, to turn green and bring summer in. In Australia it is a time of change in the other direction -- trees are shedding leave and bark, animals are starting to forage for the winter, and the bugs are slowly going. The only similarity that I notice is that things tend to stay green for awhile (in Sydney at least) as more rain comes in the winter. Its a time to sit outside eating under heat lamps, take chilly walks along cold sand on the beach and usher in a nice evening with some wine or a nice coffee, all of which are easily found in Sydney. Most people are not fans of the winter here, but for me, it echoes in a season of work and writing, change and thought.

Floating Cities

I am completely in love with boats, and last night was a big night for me. I lusted over not just one, but two lovely ships in Sydney Harbour. One, the La Masquerade out of London, is a private yacht that creates such a sense of lust and admiration that it might as well be a woman. The other the Diamond Princess is a massive piece of engineering, delicately moving its way out of the dock and out to open ocean, it so quietly that if you were not watching it, you would have no idea it was moving. A piece of elegant travel from the past -- I tend to over-romanticize ocean travel, its beauty and class. It has an air of sophstication about it -- and I long to travel by ocean liner to far off lands.

Sailing Along

It's like Sydney, minus the atmosphere. Auckland has it all, but still lacks the insight into a good night out that Sydney seems to excel at. I was there for all in all about 4 nights, but still found the city to be deserted by around 7pm -- but the coffee options in Auckland bring it back to life in the a.m.

The mountains, hills and lovely views somewhat redeems this city of sails, of lights and water. I found Auckland to be very calm, peaceful and uneventful. It was a refreshing time of thought and ferry rides to even less interesting places. Maybe I'm being a bit down on the place, but you don't go to New Zealand to go to a city - you go to NZ for the natural beauty of the country, and on this particular trip, I was, for the most part, unable to achieve that. Apart from 1.) hiking a volcano and 2.) taking a really nice trip to an open conversation island, Auckland was rather boring. Sorry Auckland, I'm sure you have redeeming qualities (Such as a plethora of great Japanese food) but when compared with your natural beauty, your lovely sites on the south island, it just feel a bit short.

Terminal Space

Sydney airport is a flurry of motion this early morning as I sit and wait on mum and sis to arrive. Thirty minutes late, and I realize how much I miss the energy the airport provides; travel provides. Awaiting travel and expectations of loved ones, mixed with the smell of coffee, smoke from the outside designated area and jet fuel, a brilliant combination of sensory overload.
The arrivals board reads like a good travel-logue or passport -- Tokyo, Abu Dhabi, San Francisco, Jarkata, etc. etc. So exotic and intoxicating are the words, I feel overwhelmed and excellent.

Summertime

Sex, wine and the baths may ruin our bodies, but they make life worth living.
- Ancient Roman gravestone.


As the planes continue to land overhead, the breeze picks up from the south and the coolness of the evening sets in. You can smell the eucalyptus, frangi panni and the slight smell of jet fuel drift in from the coast. The cafes fill up of an evening, and the sunglasses remain on, since the sun isn't setting until about 8.30 -- these longs days of warm air, sun and dining al fesco are part of what makes this place intoxicating during these glorious days of summer.

Sydney absolutetly basks in its glory this time of year. Sydney summer is about enthuisaism, taking a break, joining friends on trips and taking time to do the things you might have been putting off all year. Outdoor cinemas pop up around the city, showing everything from old classics like Casablanca to the newest relesase -- complete with a chic bar and delightful seafood to accompany your evening. One of the best parts about summer in the south, especially in Sydney, is the picnics on the weekends. All you have to do it take a walk around any of the major parks in town, and some of the smaller ones, and you will find people lazing about the day, reading the newpaper, enjoying good drink and nibbles -- Olympic Park is especially busy this time of year, given its great location, abundant green grass, miles of dedicated bike trails and the feeling of not being in a city. Once you enter the park, you get a sense of nature as it should be in the summer. Birds chirping around you, the breeze bending the gum trees, and the smells of grass and bar-b-que's floating across the lawn.

As I was contemplating the quote at the beginning of this post, I thought about these things -- and how it gives a good impression of Sydney in the summer sun. Sex wine and baths are part of it all, although, not necessarily in the Roman way. Lets discuss:

Sex: Sydney is a very sexy city. The lights at night intice you into its lovely lanes, calling to you to enter the city and explore its streets and crevices. Sydney eschews sex -- it practically drips from the tops of the skyscrapers down into the street. The warm nights give everyone a sense of promise that seems to flow with you as you walk through the streets from pub to pub, club to club. We embrace it -- and it in turn, embraces us.

Wine: Australia is a major player in the wine industry, and it flows here like water from the taps. The availability of reasonably priced, great quality Australian wine is abundant. I love it and I fully embrace this aspect of the Austrlian culture. Different from America, we are able to embrace wine in the middle of the day. Feeling tipsy or even drunk by early afternoon feels so nice -- like a secret that you don't want to share -- the afternoon buzz is one of those summer activities that seems to be justified by the heat, the sun and the social nature of the city itself.

Baths: A stretch here -- baths always remind me of the rock pools at many of the beaches. These are pools that have been carved into the stone right on the coast, where the waves break over the side and add to the natural feeling of your swim. The beach is the Australian temple -- and the sun is its god. To embrace the beach is to embrace life here -- the coastal activities are alive and well throughout the year, but the numbers of people steadily grow throught the summer, as more people are off work, and more students are out of school. To live at the beach only means you don't have to travel far for your summer tan. Most of all, the three things: sex, wine, baths -- all help to explain what Sydney is about in the summer. It helps to explain how we feel and embrace this time of year. It is so easy to fall into the bohemian flow of sex wine and beach -- and so difficult to escape it. But Sydney in itself is an escape -- from the mundane-ness of life, from the boring points of the winter, from the soul crushing office -- Sydney will take you in, embrace your body and carry you through the summer with love and affection.
Welcome to the Southern Hemisphere.