short.

I often pray, though I’m not really sure Anyone’s listening; and
I phrase it carefully, just in case He’s literary.


Mignon McLaughlin

movement.

I'm not even for sure how to begin such a thought, except to say that it made me angry, and sad at the same time. I watched this film called Bobby tonight, about the assissination of Bobby Kennedy in 1968 in Los Angeles, as he was about to run for president. The movie made its way into my soul, in some way that a movie hasn't in a long time. Maybe its the ways in which the political and social problems of the time reflect our own current issues at home and abroad -- or maybe it was trying to understand why someone would kill such a person. A man who attempted to bring the country together as some form of community -- to act true, whole, and just in the face of an American society that was tired, depressed and angry. He makes me understand the power of words, the power of people to work for change, to imagine that things can be better than what they are. He, this man from the past, restores my faith in America, and in some manner, makes me understand that I am, at least sometimes, ok with my nationality, my heritage. Sitting in a theatre with my friend M, from the U.S. and the rest Australians, we couldn't help but wonder what sort of feeling they left with -- not being able to fully understand the position we are in as Americans abroad, looking back home with often feelings of disdane and disgust, but also looking back home thinking that we can actually make a difference -- that we can change our society.

I don't know if we can, but I have to say that I am angry that we, as the "youth" of America and the world did not stand up for what we felt was and is wrong more. That we didn't fall behind mass protests, that we didn't unite ourselves despite our differences to show the government that we don't approve of things, that we don't understand why all this destruction and death is happening, and that unless they give us better reasons, truthful answers, then we will continue to oppose. It is not only our lives that are being affected, but those of people around the world. It is so easy to just think of ourselves, but as RFK reminded me tonight, that is where the trouble comes. That is what our problem is. We are transfixed on personal gain, goals, and wealth and our focus has turned from our neighbour to our bank account, our myspace page, our email and our t.v. shows. Our lives are running out of control with options. We've lost sight of the bigger picture, the overall scheme of things -- and our problems form within around fueling our problems throughout.

I don't know how to change these things. I don't have an answers or even clear ideas, but I do know that there are people who care and listen and understand -- who want the same changes now that Americans wanted in 1968. That our parents and grandparents are an important part in this fight, not only because they know the effects such actions abroad have on the home front, but because they have the money, the influence and mroeso, the will to help make something happen. These are decisive years my friends, and it is going to set a tone for many to come. We need to rally ourselves, band together as brothers and sister, and respect, understand and fight for something more that capitalist ideals, but those ideals that we hold closest to us as a society. Those basic needs like food, shelter, taking care of our own and learning how to be citizens of the not just the U.S. but the world in general. Our future will depend on us, now. No one is going to make us do it, no one is betting that we will, no one is going to hold our hand and tell us exactly what to do. We have to make this up as we go -- write our own history, find our own truths, and make our country and our world a place where people can afford to live -- where people are proud to live -- and where people are happy to befriend and visit. This place we call home is changing, and we can only hope it is for the better.

passion. or something like that.

Every year I sit and watch these awards, and every year, god help me, I still want to be there; be in the know and in the crowd with such classy and distinguished people. Watching everyone tonight I realize how Hollywood is still and will always be the American dream, but is not only just the classic American dream of “go west” but the dreams of people around the world trying just to get to America. I think one of the few things I took away from my first stint in L.A. is that you have to make yourself ok with money, with spending money on movies and al that comes with that. Someone has to provide the entertainment for the masses, and I feel, somehow, that many of the films and actors nominated this year transcend the entertainment/art boundary. That is always the challenge, to make films that are just as beautiful as they are entertaining.

[pause.]

I feel evermore as if my life is just getting started. As if, somehow, I will fin a way to bridge, mesh, include all of my passions of film and people, society and culture. For what are the best films made but ones that are able to reach the soul, the very depths of a being. To help escape the world we live in, but also promote change, ideas and understanding. So many of my thoughts as of late, come from recently seeing Babel, where I was reminded of how easy our lives have become, how over the years we want more convenience, less stress, more freedom, and fail to think about those in the world who struggle each day emotionally, physically, mentally and are constantly overwhelmed with life in general. It’s thoughts and ideas like this that constantly inspire – to push for my life to make a difference of some sort on this world. I suppose it’s what anyone would want in their life, except that it takes something new, different and burning inside a person’s body and mind to achieve the change we hope for. It’s always my hope to become who I am supposed to become & to use what I’ve got. So cliché to follow your dreams, I suppose I’m just going to make them up as I go along.

[end.]

too much thought.

if i were to loose sight of you
or of what we are
trying to do
would you still be there
in the end?

At My Window Sad and Lonely

At my window, sad and lonely
Oft times do I think of thee
Sad and lonely and I wonder
Do you ever think of me

Every day is sad and lonely
And every night is sad and blue
Do you ever think of me my darling
As you sail that ocean blue

At my window, sad and lonely
I stand and look across the sea
And I sad and lonely wonder
Do you ever think of me

Will you find another sweetheart
In some far and distant land
Sad and lonely now I wonder
If our boat will ever land

Ships may ply the stormy ocean
And planes may fly the stormy sky
I'm sad and lonely but remember
Oh I'll love you
Till I die

--Woody Guthrie

Characteristic Form of Life.

Today I learned this little piece of information:

"Land is developing seven times faster than the population is increasing, and by 2050 it is thought that 307 million Americans will live in 8 supercities."

Now, I'm not for sure if this is a startling fact or not, given that in 2050 I will be about 69. Yeah, I'm not really looking forward to that, but what did strike me is that a majority of the people will be living in cities, and who's to say, but maybe the people still living in the rural or what is left of the rural areas will be the ones with power. Maybe they will be the ones that are keeping the place running by planting food and trees and keeping the rest of the population alive because of their "sacrifice" of living in the "bush". I don't know, it just all seems so strange to hear people projecting what is going to happen in years to come when we really have no idea what-so-ever what is going to happen this year. I'm tired of hear things like "if current trends..." or "today in Iraq".

Apparently, there are about 10 million vegetarians in the U.S. today. That number seems small, when you think about all 300 million of us. Gross. That's a lot of beef, pork and chicken being consumed. I don't eat meat, and as one of the 10 million people, I suppose I am always looking for a reason why that I can use to explain to people why. I have yet to come up with anything that seems to hit the mark, and today I also read this little piece of information that didn't seem to help my case:

" The notion of granting rights to animals may lift us up from the brutal, amoral world of eater and eaten -- of predation -- but along the way it will entail the sacrifice, or sublimation, of part of our identity -- of our own animality. (This is one of the odder ironies of animal rights: it asks us to acknowledge all we share with animals, and then to act toward them in a most unanimalistic way.) Not that the sacrifice of our animality is necessarily regrettable; no one regrets our giving up raping and pillaging, also part of our inheritance. But we should at least acknowledge that the human desire to eat meat is not, as the animal rightists would have it, a trivial matter, a mere gastronomic preference. By the same token we might call sex -- also now technically unnecessary for reproduction -- a mere recreational preference. Rather, our meat eating is something very deep indeed."

So, I ask myself, "am i not eating animals for a moral reason?" I don't know. I can't deny the evolutionary changes our bodies have went through, and the purposes of certain sets of teeth, etc. The ways in which people crave meat and sweets (also evolutionary because sugar = energy.) I kept reading and found this:

" Morality is an artifact of human culture devised to help humans negotiate human social relations. It's very good at that. But just as we recognize that nature doesn't provide a very good guide for human social conduct, isn't it anthropocentric of us to assume that our moral system offers an adequate guide for what should happen in nature? Is the individual the crucial moral entity in nature as we've decided it should be in human society?"

I say no. I say that maybe human are adapting, evolving to eat less meat because people now recognize that with a more leisurely life style, eating lots of red meat is not that great for us. As we become more dependent on machines, our bodies might become more dependent on plants. Just a thought.

I think it was Descartes that said something like "animals can't feel pain because they have no soul." Well, I'm not sure we can prove that or not, given that the soul is kind of hard to define in humans, let alone in animals, which we can't communicate with. Its interesting to think about the ways in which we have given in to so many things in society, in life that might just not be so. The way in which we give in to shopping centres, food, etc. might actually be killing us all slowly.

Ok, let me get to my point. We all seem to have some kind of focus in life. Something, someone, some place that we can't not have. We need it to live. We don't just need food and water, but apparently, these other things as well. Those things are killing us instead of helping us live. They are driving us to places we don't want to go and making us do things we don't want to do. They are forcing our minds to give into our bodies, and I always think it should be the other way around. We are humans, and yes, we are adapting as I write this, but we also have to realize what it is that we are adapting to. Is it something that we can go on living with, or is it something that we need to stop, stand back and take a look at? Maybe both. Maybe it is sustainable, maybe it will turn out, in the end to be good, or maybe not. Who's to say. Again, predicting the future out of current trends is dangerous I feel, but then again, so are a lot of things in life.

In the end, I want to say it all comes down to love. But then again, that would be kind of anthropocentric of me, wouldn't it.

its always something.

such a thing so as to feel yourself become something different. transcending your earthly plane into a world of feeling and warmth. feeling your body move as you brethe.
you don't hear yourself, heart beating and all. i don't move in a world of men but live in a world of human connections and love. where if you try, if you honestly attempt to join with reality, you can make it to the top, to the apex of human emotion and matter. it hurts in a way that makes you crave for more, for that feeling ever single day of your life. and evey time you can't reach it, it is just out of your reach, you understand that maybe you just need to see your breathe on the cold windown and realize that we are alive, living, breathing and longing for love and warmth.

condições de tempo

eu estou receoso das coisas às vezes. e frequentemente, eu não me acredito. eu quero saber, se minha vida trabalhar para fora em uma maneira que esteja cabendo ao universo, os deuses, fate. eu escuto o vento mudanças. diz-me que alguns estão vindo logo. a lua é tonight subtle, esperando o alvorecer para quebrá-lo e introduzir afastado no oeste.