buona sera voi.

“So far”.

such a thing so as to feel yourself become something different. transcending your earthly plane into a world of feeling and warmth. feeling your body move as you brethe.
you don't hear yourself, heart beating and all. i don't move in a world of men but live in a world of human connections and love. where if you try, if you honestly attempt to join with reality, you can make it to the top, to the apex of human emotion and matter. it hurts in a way that makes you crave for more, for that feeling ever single day of your life. and evey time you can't reach it, it is just out of your reach, you understand that maybe you just need to see your breathe on the cold windown and realize that we are alive, living, breathing and longing for love and warmth.

This next part is from Thoreau. Sometimes, it helps me to think about it. Sometimes, it just confuses me.

“…shams and delusions are esteemed for soundest truths, while reality is fabulous. If men would steadily observe realities only, and not allow themselves to be deluded, life, to compare it with such things as we know, would be like a fairy tale and the Arabian Nights’ Entertainments…children who play life, discern its true law and relations more clearly than men, who fail to live it worthily, but who think that they are wiser by experience, that is, by failure…”

Maybe this will help with what I was trying to explain to you the other night.

I have always had a bit of a problem connecting with reality. I am never too sure of how to explain it in terms that are rational, but I have several writings from when I’ve felt that disconnectedness the most that, well, don’t exactly make the most sense—but in a way make all the sense in the world. I don’t really know what triggers this intense feeling of needing to get away, to connect somehow with what is happening—what I’m experiencing or what others are experiencing. I think that escaping is always my answer to my issues and for a while I thought that was not a good way to deal, but as I’ve seen, it is one of the only ways I can re-connect myself with something that is real, something that is tangible. I might just need to take a walk or a hike or ride my bike or drive across town—sometimes I might need to go further from home, someplace new, maybe I need to take a journey to prove to myself that I can do it—that I’m in control of me—of my actions and my thoughts—proving something to yourself is sometimes the most difficult thing in the world. Especially when you have to prove something like reality or something like self-determination.


A little poem called “Embrace”.

it is just at the beginning
that we realize that it might
be the end.

at least we can come to the
realization that what we are
is not what we understand
ourselves to be
but always something greater
always something beyond
what it is that we see.



Another poem, called “Moment”.

understand that we have so much ahead of us,
so incredibly much and so little behind us,
so very, very little.



Entitled “I’ve lost my mind”.

When I consider Thy heavens, the work of Thy fingers, the moon and the stars, which Thou hast ordained;
What is Man, that Thou art mindful of him? and the son of Man, that Thou visitest him?
For Thou hast made him a little lower than the angels, and hast crowned him with glory and honor.
Thou madest him to have dominion over the works of Thy hands; Thou hast put all things under his feet:
All sheep and oxen, yea, and the beasts of the field;
The fowl of the air, and the fish of the sea, and whatsoever passeth through the paths of the seas. [Psalm 8]


it seems that it is hard to deny that man is a most unusual species of being. many others are better adapted to their environment, faster, stronger, etc. what is it then that separates us from all others? some suggest that our most extraordinary characteristic is our capacity to conceptualize the world and to communicate those conceptions symbolically.

i think that it is the idea that we have no understanding of what we are. at the best level, we can attempt to explain things, but when you get down to it, we have no clue what is happening. we are so complex. we are so unique.

i don't know what to think anymore. it's amazing.


Just something.


love, ever unsatisfied, lives always in the
moment that is about to come.